Fake Meat and the Samizdat Grindset

Giving Globalism a Papercut

Hello my friends! Do you sometimes wonder how you, personally, can strike back at the vast array of hostile capital being employed against you? Well wonder no more, because I’m about to share this one cool trick to give Woke Capital and ESG a pinprick!(Bill Gates Hates It!) And I’ve taken to calling it the Samizdat Grindset, after the passive resistance to the Soviet regime within the Soviet Union, where people would manually circulate subversive publications amongst each other, often by hand. In this article we will target the fake meat industry!

You’ve all seen the ruckus surrounding fake meat of late. Beyond Meat, Impossible Meat, these types of products market themselves as “climate friendly” meat substitutes that get way more hype than they deserve.

I looked at them with the typical apathetic contempt most of us feel towards these products until I spoke with a friend of mine that owns a restaurant. I came to visit him and have dinner with my family and I noticed he had little folded paper advertisements for Beyond Meat on his tables and I asked him what made him decide to start offering it as an option. He stated that Beyond/Impossible sent him the product for free, and even paid him to put up the paper signs on his tables, and he doesn’t have to pay them a cent regardless of if the stuff sells or it spoils. Crazy, right?

Fake meat is currently occupying a space in the market known as being a “Loss Leader” which is essentially when you are selling a product (or giving it away) for as low of a price as possible to grow market share (number of people using the product) as fast as possible. You’ll notice if you are attentive in the grocery store, that these fake meat brands are almost always in full stock, and think to yourself “How are they still in business? Nobody wants this stuff and they’ve gotta be burning ad-spend on all these commercials and promotional deals with large corporate chains and small restaurants alike?” The answer has nothing to do with climate change, or veganism, or overpopulation, and actually ties directly to our trade deficit with China and their food security. The goal of these companies is to convince you to literally eat garbage.

These foods are made of waste biproducts from Chinese agriculture, you see, the Chinese have a major food security problem, particularly where protein is concerned, and are currently willing to buy top dollar and threaten our animal feed infrastructure if we don’t sell them beef. So we are trading them American beef, and they are trading us garbage agricultural waste that gets turned into hip, trendy, disgusting tasting frankenmeat.

Lets talk about what *you* can do to impact this state of affairs!

As an extreme example of a loss leader, most grocery stores that sell fake meat don’t have to pay for it, in fact, they get paid by these companies for the shelf space that would otherwise be taken up by real meat or vegan/vegetarian options that don’t involve cynical woke economics. This means that these stores fully expect much of the stock of fake meat they receive to eventually spoil and get thrown out, and this doesn’t particularly bother them, which is where Samizdat comes in:

You know how sometimes you pick something up and put it in your cart, and you decide you didn’t want it, or perhaps you found something better, so you just sheepishly put it on a nearby shelf and get on with your day, knowing the night stockers will put it back? It’s something that happens every day, constantly, in stores all over the nation. Well when this happens to perishable products that require refrigeration, they get thrown away as “spoilage” because no store wants to sell room temperature meat to customers and get blamed if it makes them sick. And this is where we come in do to a little mischief.

All I ask of you is that every time you get dragged to the grocery store to get food for your family, to make a stop by the meat aisle along the way. Grab any number of products you feel comfortable with and put them in your cart. Forget about them. And then when you’re perusing, say, the dog food aisle, you realize you “made a mistake” and you put that meat back in the wrong place. Very simple, no risk to you, it’s something that happens every day and you can tell your friends about it, because it feels good to do!

A few people doing this is a blip, but large groups of people doing this every time they go to the grocery store becomes a problem that is difficult to solve. The grocery store doesn’t care, it’s not hurting them. The loss prevention guy doesn’t care, it’s not like you’re stealing and people do this every day, what’s he going to do? Call you a liar?

Now you might be thinking at this point, how do these companies stay in business aggressively shilling a product nobody wants made of waste byproducts from a rival foreign power? Well, the answer is simple, investment capital! Fund managers, activist billionaires, and retail investors trying to buy the cartel, invest money into them. In the case of giants that manage funds, such as Blackrock, State Street, or Vanguard, they are potentially investing into these products with your pension fund or 401k that they manage!

The material damage intended is that by depleting the shelves of fake meat faster, it will force these companies to upscale their production(expensive to do!) of fake meat that isn’t actually being sold. The added benefit of this zero risk enterprise is more metaphorical. You need to help people get more *comfortable* with subtle acts of resistance towards the regime and there’s nothing that’ll give someone a taste for it like something that feels good, has no risk, and takes place as part of a regularly scheduled ritual like grocery shopping so you don’t even have to go out of your way to do it. People send me pictures and tweets every day of their fake meat shenanigans during their trip to the store and I love to get them!

Who knows, you might decide spoiling fake meat isn’t enough for you, and your risk appetite is geared towards something a little… bigger?